I Tweeted recently about coming home on a horrible Winter night to a glass of red and my supremely daggy trackie dacks… and was asked what on earth I was talking about!

Trust me to use a bit of Aussie slang on the very international Tweetiverse — oops!  So herewith, for all of you not lucky enough to live in The Lucky Country I am offering a Fashion-focused Guide to Aussie Slang.

Cactus or stuffed: tired, damaged, or not working.  “I bought a top from Supre and it was stuffed within a week.”  “Say one more thing about the air up here, mate, and you’re cactus.”

Ankle-biter: short person (usually a child).  “I’m just trying to find some halfway decent shoes, but everything’s built for ankle biters.”


Trackie Dacks: Tracksuit pants.  Do not under any circumstances wear your Trackie Dacks outside home and gym.  You will be mistaken for a bogan.

‘Dacks’ is derived from ‘underdacks‘ or ‘undies‘ (also known as ‘underpants‘, ‘jocks‘, or ‘knickers‘) which are intended for private use under one’s clothing.  Juicy Couture made a valiant effort to resuscitate ‘trackies’ for stylish outdoor use, and were foiled by Ms Spears who is a bogan if I ever saw one.

Proof: undies easily visible.  By the way, undies can never be described as thongs.  In Australia thongs are comfy bit of convenience footwear.  Elsewhere in the world, they may be known as ‘flip-flops’.  Like most great Aussie stuff, we nicked these from New Zealanders, who call them Jandals.

Aussies think that the word ‘Jandals’ is the stupidest thing they have ever heard.  Which would probably be true if there wasn’t a stupid word like “thong”.

It’s OK to pick on New Zealanders, by the way, because there aren’t very many of them and they have a funny accent.  What’s that I hear you say, Americans?  Come over here and say that to our faces.  That’s not a knife…

Speedos, also Budgie-smugglers are also an important cultural element to understand, as they are the preferred costume of the man who may well be our next PM when this Election stuff is finally dealt with. Budgie Smugglers are small-scale, tight fitting swimwear for men.

Acceptable:

Unacceptable:

Ugh. Speaking of Ugh, Ugg boots are for INSIDE, people.  We see you Californians wearing them to the beach.  Are you INSANE?  They are to keep your feet WARM.  Also, I don’t care who got there first with the trademark, all sheepskin boots are Ugg boots.  I have been wearing ‘uggies’ since I was two.

Dodgy: nasty, shady, suspicious.

Dag: An often affectionate term for an uncool person.  “Just because you’re some dodgy politician does not give you licence to dress like a dag.”

Ta (that is thanks) for now and till next time … Cheers!

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Short People

It’s so wrong.  I shouldn’t.  Some of my best friends are short people.

But I love this!

Dan tells me that everyone already knows this song, so forgive me if I’m 30 years too late.  The average age of a song in my iPod is three years before I was born ;)

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When I was in high school, they ran these horrible (and long since outlawed) peer-comparison fitness tests.  Basically, they put all us students together and made us run, jump, flex, climb rope… and weigh ourselves.  Then they measured us against each other by age and ranked our ‘fitness’.   I came second last.

Oh, my: did I cry.  And were my parents ever angry.  Tall folks themselves, they understood how cruel this kind of treatment can be.  For a start, there was no way my spaghetti arms were ever going to hoist my body weight up a rope or into a pull-up: no way, no how.  As to flexibility and dexterity: don’t get me started.  My body was growing at something like three inches per year at that point and I had next to no control over its muscles.  Matter of fact, I think those muscles were having a hard time just staying attached to the bone!   The idea of being able to reach over my feet or dash around witches’ hats?  Would have been laughable, if it didn’t hurt so bad.

And to make it all so, so much worse, the body measurements.  My weight and my hip and waist measurements were read out along with everybody else’s.  Dear god, I am cringing just thinking about it all these years later.  All those cute (how I hated that word) girls my age were 50, 55, 60 kilos at most.  One, I remember, was 45 kilos.

I weighed 70 kilograms and my hip measurement was about 30cm bigger than the ‘normal girls’ at around 100cm… and still growing.

It was a nightmare.

Now, several years past teenagerhood (ahem), I weigh a bit more.  I am still bigger than average at the same kind of ratio.  I’m pretty fit, weigh around 75 kilos and have a size 16-ish, 110cm hip.  People get a shock when they find out I buy anything from a 14 to an 18 depending on the manufacturer.  But you know what?

I’m over it.

So here’s my quick facts on “fat”.  I am talking here especially to younger tall girls who are dealing with a puberty double whammy: normal ‘growing pains’ made even worse by the fact that your body so different to everyone else’s.

1)  You’re Perfectly Proportioned. Ever wondered at the stupidity of clothing brands that put more length in the size 18 than in the 10?  While it seems crazy to you and I, we have to remember that on average, it’s quite reasonable to assume that a shorter person is less wide than a taller person.  Think about your foot length.  Do you worry that your feet are fat?  Probably not.  And yet they’re likely bigger than most people’s feet.  They’re perfectly proportioned to you.

2)  Your Skeleton is Heavy. You’ve heard that muscle weighs more than fat?  One liter of muscle weighs around 1.06 kg and one litre of fat weighs around 0.9 kg. In other words, muscle is about 18% denser than fat.  Bones are even heavier.  As a tall person there is more of you, keeping you alive.  Your skull, your hips, even your feet bones are all heavier even though for your body, they are in proportion.

Even more important: your body weight (not your fat but your total weight, so height is a factor) determines bone density.  The more your bones have to do, the bigger and denser and stronger they will grow.  Thus, the taller you are, the bigger and better your bones.  Bone growth is fantastic and never t0 be avoided. So keep in mind that some of your so called “extra” weight is the good stuff that will prevent osteoporosis.  Don’t you even think about trying to limit your bone growth!

3)  Sorry if I’m Out of Line, But You’re Probably Not Dressing Thin. If you don’t have a lot of options in the way that you dress, for instance wearing ill-fitting or mens’ clothes, you and others will get an optical illusion that you take up a lot of space.  Shop at specialist stores when you can.  Try to avoid big, billowy tees and tops and cinch clothes in wherever you’re happiest doing so.  For me, it’s my waist.  It’s a visual ‘stop’ in my body line.  I would never dream of wearing a long Empire line gown, because on me it would look more like a muu-muu.

In my teen years, the moment I stepped out of XL men’s tees and too-short jeans, and into a slim fitting dress, I shocked my peers.  They couldn’t believe I had those great curves.

4)  You’re Probably Slouching. Stop.  Stand up straight.  I am such a broken record on this topic but it’s SO important.  Slouching makes you look fat — don’t do it.  Just don’t.

5)  Fat is in the Mind of the Beholder. This is not a pleasant one, nor do I have an easy fix.  Some people — especially dumb little teenage boys whose only opinions on female bodies come from their peers and online p$#n, see a tall shape and their brains can only interpret the impression of size.  The only way I know to deal with this one is to wait until the boys grow up into men.

Can you think of any more ways in which height gets misrepresented as overweight?  Do you have a story that could help somebody else?  I’d love to collect ideas or stories in the comment box for others to read.

While I’m here, some of you might be interested in this link from Kathleen Fasanella, a fashion industry guru.  In this post she talks about why designers don’t add lines for the (more lucrative than tall) plus size market, and much of what she has to say really applies even more so to tall folks.   It really says to me that we need lots of small businesses catering only for talls, so that we can get a range of styles and good fit.  It’s no use complaining about the fact that Levis and The Gap don’t cater to us: we have to start our own thing.

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Some of you very intelligent tall folks may have noticed there have been a few hiccups in the world of Sarah Vain and Tall.  That train wreck of a t-shirt : I have been trying to fix it for a month and a half now.  My cut and sew shop of choice, from whom I was also buying pattern work, decided that since I was a relatively small buyer, I could be fobbed off with something less than quality.  We have been back and forth on the issue (at considerable expense, I might add), for all this time, with no result.  Unfortunately, in fashion manufacturing, c’est la vie. You have to cut your losses and look for someone else.  (Then, when you find that someone else, hug them and squeeze them and promise never to leave!)

Stressing me most is that, having promised you guys the line to die for, it’s taking so much longer than I thought it would, to get it made and packed and ready for you.

The past few weeks, I have been in meeting after meeting.  In fact I have two more after I post this: one with a new fabric agent, and one with a stunning new pattern maker, with whom I may be a little bit in love.  Her best friend is 6’2″: she gets it.  And, wonder of wonders, she knows people of quality and has introduced me to a new cut and sew shop.

So we’ll have to wait a little bit longer.  I’m sorry.  I couldn’t be more disappointed, but I will not put my name on, nor take anybody’s money for, a substandard garment.

I hope you all understand!

In the mean time I will still be posting about things I find.  The latest has me pretty excited.

Lane 172 is a Korean brand making flats in a rainbow of colours.  They’re seriously cheap at around AU$30 each, plus $10 postage from YesStyle.com.au.

They say they fit to a European 45, but I just received a blue patent flat and a grey flower accent flat in the 45, which fit my size 42 (AU11) feet pretty well.   There’s a fitting guide, and I would go a size up from the recommended fit.  Don’t worry about what seems like excessive width in the fitting guide: it’s a figment of their imagination.

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T-shirt FAIL

Meet Meredith.  Meredith is awesome.  She is so awesome that she let me photograph her in the WORST T-SHIRT EVER MADE.

I’m having some problems with the samples, and to be honest it’s got me questioning my whole approach to the business.  The problem I face is that practically nobody in industry has experience with the kind of fit I’m after, and I don’t have experience dealing with large operations: everything I make is a one-off garment for one customer.  It’s very hard to communicate at times, and every mistake costs $$ and time.

One thing is for sure: these tees are not going to be on sale any time soon.   Starting a business is not for wimps!!

UGH.

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What does it mean when a teeny tiny, little old lady with a strong Russian accent stops you in the supermarket carpark to say,

“Tall girl!  God bless you!”

Whatever her reasons, she made me smile!

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Rosie

Every time we go out, people double take on the street or even stop Rosie and I to take pictures. It must be because we are so Fashion, yes?

For the record, Rose stands a little less than 5’0 tall.  We have exactly the same horrible time when shopping for clothes and shoes, but for Rose the issues are finding clothes that aren’t styled for a High 5 video.  (She made this dress herself, by the way, for a costume party — adorable, non?)

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Fit Model Wanted

No, not an exercise junkie.  I’m looking for someone to test our size 10 samples, so that we can make our patterns perfect.  You must be at least 5’11″ (preferably taller), able to travel to Brunswick VIC at least once a month for casual paid work, and able to wear a standard Australian size 10.

That is, within a 3cm tolerance of:

  • bust – 90cm
  • Waist – 70cm
  • Hip – 95cm

You don’t have to be a glamour model, because this is not ‘that’ kind of modeling.  The job would suit a student, a mum, or a part time worker — it’s irregular (especially in the beginning) but well paid and flexible work.

Interested?  Know someone who might be interested?  Send me an email at shea dot annie at gmail dot com.

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It’s hours of fun for the whole family: just print and keep handy.

Yes, thank you.  I AM rather great at Microsoft Paint.

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**uck — edited to add, after I washed this the bust point was riding closer to my armpit.  Damn me and my wishful thinking!  When will I learn that I can’t wear normal clothes??  Oh well, I’ll leave this here for those of you who aren’t 6′ tall.

CUBEC is a hole-in-the-wall Melbourne company selling pretty much only suits and things to wear with suits.

I have absolutely zero interest in owning a suit of any kind, but I did splurge on this pretty emerald shirt.  Why?  CUBEC has the best attitude ever.  They make alterations in house for almost every customer, so they cut their shirts long.  The only alteration I needed for an off-the-rack (!!) shirt was this dandy cuff change, and they did it free of charge.

It was a double-folded French cuff.  Now it’s a long single fold and falls to *exactly* the right length.  And — cufflinks!  I love cufflinks.

It’s not cheap to shop there but the fabrics are out of this world.  Anyway — I bought a $40 Target skirt last month that fell apart in the wash after 2 wears.  I figure I should get a heck of a lot more cost-per-wear mileage out of a top quality, cotton shirt.

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